Pep Talk
by Mymiddlename'sdisaster
Summary: It's Rachel's first day back at work after Eddie left and she's not sure how she can do her job without him. A oneshot I wrote when I couldn't sleep.


"Here, let me" Tom rushed over when he saw Rachel struggling with a large pile of folders, her laptop bag and an overflowing handbag.

"Thanks Tom" Rachel smiled as he took the files from her.

"Busy summer?" he asked, nodding towards the paperwork as he followed Rachel through the empty corridors and up to her office.

"Yeah, what with the digger and everything, there was a lot to get done in a short space of time, I was glad for the distraction really" she admitted as she unlocked her office and gestured to her desk, "you can put them anywhere."

"You should have given me a ring" Tom joked, "what with Chlo and Donte moving out with baby Izzie, I was just rattling around on my own, but I'm sure I don't need to tell you about that" he said cautiously.

"Yeah" Rachel nodded, "it's surprising how full Eddie and Phil made the house seem" she said, turning to fiddle with the coffee machine, "coffee?"

"I'd love one" he smiled as he took a long look at the woman in front of him, her shoulders slumped forwards, her eyes lacking their usual sparkle, "how are you?" he asked her, "honestly."

Rachel shrugged, "I'm getting there" she said, turning to face him, mug in hand, "I know it's a cliche but I'm just taking one day at a time."

Tom nodded as he took the mug that was offered to him, "sometimes that's all you can do" he gestured to the sofa, "can I?"

"Of course" Rachel joined him with her own coffee, "it sounds stupid because in reality Eddie didn't even live with me for long but it just seems so empty without him around" she confessed, unable to lift her eyes from her mug.

Tom nodded, "I was the same, after Izzie, even with Chlo and Mika, it just, I don't know, it wasn't the same."

"I've lost everything" Rachel whispered.

"You've still got this place, you've got a new deputy, possibly the best deputy you'll ever have" he joked.

Rachel laughed slightly, "aren't you slightly biased on that matter?"

Tom shrugged, "maybe just a little bit, it made you smile though."

"When did it stop hurting?" Rachel asked out of the blue, "after Izzie… how long was it before you stopped feeling like your heart was constantly being ripped out of your chest?"

"I don't know if it ever did stop" Tom said honestly, "I just think that over time I learned to cope, you find ways to deal with it, it's still early days for you Rachel, like you said, you just need to take one day at a time, and if you're ever struggling then just give me a ring, we can be lonely together"

"I don't even know how I'm going to go out there, they all know what happened, how can I go out there and…"

"Rachel" Tom stopped her rambling, "those kids adore you, they supported you when you told them about your past, what makes you think that this time will be any different?"

"Eddie was…"

"Nowhere near as popular with those kids as you are, they idolise you, I've never known a head to have such a rapport with the kids, you're a good role model for them."

Rachel huffed, "yeah, of course I am."

"You are, to them you're proof that you can turn things around, it's easy for the rest of us to tell the kids that a bit of hard work can really make a difference but you, you've done that, you've worked hard and turned your life around, the kids realise that, you've shown them that they can do anything they put their minds to, you've shown them that everyone deserves a second chance, you've shown each and every one of those kids that with a bit of hard work they can do whatever they want to be. You made Bolton Smilie want to go to university Rach, if that's not an achievement I don't know what is."

"So I can sort everyone else's life out, I just fail miserably when it comes to my own happiness?"

"That wasn't your fault" Tom said firmly, "no matter what you might think, it wasn't your fault."

"If I'd…"

"Did you make Eddie sleep with Mel? Did you tell him to leave with her? Tell him to resign?"

Rachel shook her head, "I hardly tried to stop him though, I didn't try to talk him out of leaving. I couldn't be the reason he didn't get to see his child and he...he said he couldn't see me every day knowing we couldn't be together."

"Why does that make everything your fault? Why aren't you blaming him for not fighting harder, for just walking away, why didn't he try and find a solution to make it work? He left at the first opportunity Rachel, if he really loved you he'd have fought to keep you. Has he been in touch since the end of term?"

Rachel shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes, "he came round that night to get his things, I haven't seen or heard from him since, I, he didn't say anything but I knew he'd been crying. Phil kept telling me how sorry he was but Mel's his Mum, I can understand why he wanted to go back and give her another chance."

"And you need to give yourself another chance, you need to find a way to get back on your feet, I might be a good deputy but I need Miss Mason back, I need the head that could be comforting a student one minute and scaring the living daylights out of them next."

"What if she's gone for good?"

"She isn't, she's just hiding, Eddie didn't make you Rachel, you were strong and independent before him and you can be strong and independent after him, you can't let him ruin the rest of your life, there'll be someone out there who makes you forget all about Eddie Lawson and what he did, there's someone out there who'll, one day, make you happier than he ever did."

"How do you know?"

"I just do" Tom shrugged, "I never thought I'd get over losing Izzie but look at me, it wasn't easy but I'm still here, I still miss her and I'd do anything to get her back but I know I can't do that, I can't get Izzie back so I just have to do whatever makes me happy, especially now both girls have gone."

"I don't know what to do anymore" Rachel sighed.

"Do you want me to tell you what we're going to do?" Rachel nodded, "we're going to have five minutes for you to sort yourself out, then we're going to go to the staffroom as a team to welcome the staff back, I'll give the new pupils a tour while you speak to their parents and then, as a team, we'll go into the hall so you can give your first assembly to 600 kids who will hang on your every word."

"And then?"

"And then you agree to come out for a drink with me tonight so you're not sat at home all night blaming yourself for things you can't change."

Rachel laughed, "and then?"

"And then, Miss Mason" Tom winked cheekily, smiling as it made Rachel laugh, "we'll see where the night takes us."


End file.
